Sayonara January

I cannot explain how happy I am to look in the review mirror and see January behind me. It was certainly a rough month. Jami and I talked about this before the month started, we knew it would be tough. We knew we would ride the emotional roller coaster again. Well, we certainly have. I wake up, and feel like a robot going through the motions of my job here, for hours and hours. The carrot that dangles at the end of the day is my chance to see and talk to my family before going to sleep and doing it all again tomorrow. As Jami described, during all of this, we tried everything we could do to get me home for a few days to be with her during the surgery, witness the birth of our second child, and help her recover for just a few days - for multiple reasons, it is not going to work out for us...

I am just trying to stay positive through the whole situation. I have experienced many emotions in the past week. It is difficult for me to describe - but I felt an emptiness I have never felt before. I was struggling with the concept of positiveness. It was just not in me. Father Bob helped me focus with words from Philippians: Always be joyful, then, in the Lord; I repeat, be joyful. Let your good sense be obvious to everybody. The Lord is near. Never worry about anything; but tell God all your desires of every kind in prayer and petition shot through with gratitude, and the peace of God which is beyond our understanding will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. I have always tried to remain positive during tough times, and those words have helped me through these trials.

I am excited about the arrival of our daughter - and that will be the motivation that keeps me going as I look forward to meeting the baby girl in person in May. To say i can't wait for that day is the understatement of the year, and we are only in February. But, January is behind us and I am almost at the halfway point of my time here.

Irony, as I type, I am listening to internet radio - a track by the Killers with the line "It doesn’t really matter...don’t you worry it’ll all work out..."

We do believe that, it will work out. In a strange way, being apart has had a positive influence on our marriage. I attribute most of that to Jami. She has been amazing. Rarely do I hear a negative word from her. Jami is an phenomenal mother and wife. She is at home, dealing with the craziness of taking care of our little boy while handling a pregnancy. She has truly been a rock throughout all of this. I still remember struggling with how to tell her I was leaving for 7 months, and was going to miss the birth of our child. Instead of freaking out, or asking why me, why us, she said, OK, we can do this. And we are.

Ok, more irony - another tune on the radio, this one from Coldplay "Honey, you are the rock that I stand on...and honey, you should know that I could never go on without you" Jami, that is so true...

We often hear from others, "how do you do it?" Well, we just do. We didn't ask for this, we didn't volunteer for this, but we deal with it. We live in a society where people often complain about many things, we decided that instead of complaining, we would find a way to get through our separation and hopefully grow more. Needless to say, we feel that it has improved our ability to be thankful for what we do have - as Jami eluded, our faith, our love, our health, our family, our friends. Without those things, what would we be?

I am proud to be an American, to have Jami as my wife, Will as my son, to believe in God, to have the love and support of family and friends from all over the world. And I long to hold my beautiful daughter in my arms in May...